A Good Cause

In the years since Caydin passed away, I have been able to meet a lot of other people who have also lost a child, in different ways. One of the ladies I have met is named Molly. I have felt particularly close to her because she lost her little daughter at about the same age, and to choking. They were leaving church when her little girl choked on a bit of apple literally the size of a pea. She had to be life flighted to Primary's, and they actually had to do surgery to get the apple out. She was on life support for a few days before she returned to Heaven. Molly is an amazing person, and she has started a website called A Good Grief, www.agoodgrief.com. This website is not just for those who have lost children, but for anyone who has had to go through grief of any sort, including divorce, unemployment, loss of a loved one, etc. Just a few weeks ago, she was featured on Good Day Utah (I think-it was one of the Utah morning shows!). Along with her website, she has set up a charity to help pay for headstones for families that can't afford them. Because her website is only a few months old, she has already received more requests for assistance than she has funds for. That is why I am writing this post, to ask any who might have even just a little to spare to consider donating to her fund. When Caydin passed away, my whole life changed in an instant. I don't even know how to describe the emotional condition I was in for the weeks following his death. The shock that was there that first week made the whole rest of the world feel alien. On top of all the emotions of just trying to deal with what had happened and get through a funeral and learning to live the rest of my life here without my sweet boy were by far the most difficult thing I've ever been through, or hope to ever go through. On top of all that was the shocking realization of how EXPENSIVE the funeral costs were. For those who don't know, here is an estimate of some of the costs: $350 for the obituary; $2000 for the casket; $1500 for the mortuary costs (and that was a discounted price because he was a child); $850 for a cheap, small headstone; $350 to have the headstone put in the ground; $50 for burial clothes; $500 for basic flowers for the funeral; and the list can go on, including any medical bills for whatever happened before the death! It is overwhelming to have to deal with loosing your loved one, and then to have such a financial burden added to that is hard, especially for the death of children, which is almost always unexpected, and happens to young couples who usually aren't really well established financially at that time in their lives. With Caydin, we were so blessed to receive so many kind donations from friends and family, and were even able to receive help from our church. Not everyone has that option. Even with help, it took us 10 months to get Caydin's headstone in. In the months where he didn't have one, I felt so bad; it felt as if he was forgotten. I often thought of the pioneers who had to bury their loved ones on a trail, and never got to go back and visit. I have an ancestor on my dad's side of the family who, while sailing to America, lost first one child that had to be buried at sea, and then just a few days before reaching America, lost a second child. She couldn't stand to bury him at sea as well, so she hid his body till they reached land, and then took him ashore and buried him there. I know death is not the end, and this frail human body is not where we end our journey. The spirits of those who have gone on continue to live, and their bodies are mere shells. But, as a mother who has lost her child, it is so difficult to completely let go of that body, especially when it is all you have left of that loved one! To honor that person where you can feels so important! One of my biggest fears, and I think a lot of people's biggest fears who have lost loved ones, is that they will be forgotten. So, when you have the opportunity of being able to bury your loved one at a cemetery, that spot becomes sacred ground. I am no longer even closely haunted by cemeteries. But, to go there and not even have a marker recognizing the spot of the final resting place of your loved one is very sad! No, it is not necessary, but emotionally it is so meaningful and healing to the people who loved that person. It is their way of honoring and remember their loved ones. So, you can see why this topic is close to my heart, and that is again, why I am asking anyone who can afford even just a little, to donate to Molly's charity so she can help families to have this comfort in a time where there is very little comfort for them. You can read more about Molly and her experience and her charity by going to her website, which again, is www.agoodgrief.com. And again, I do know her personally, and I know every dime donated goes directly to her charity to pay for the headstones. Thanks for listening to my long post!