And, I guess I have to be honest and say that I might not fight the memories or thoughts as much as I should because in a way, I actually want to have them. It will be 6 years this year since Caydin passed away, and my memories of him seem to get more and more blurry and dreamlike with each passing year. It is a bitter/sweet thing because it is how I am able to cope and survive what has happened, but it hurts to forget so much too.
So, that is where this request is going to come in. I don't get to make new memories with my son at this time, and I feel I have relived and rehashed my own memories over and over. I really would like to have some fresh views this year to remember Caydin with. I would really love and appreciate stories from others about Caydin. And, I don't mind if it's broad enough to even just be lessons learned from hearing about Caydin, or experiences you've had because of either him or knowing about him and his story. Even if it's sad, I WANT to hear it! One of the hardest things about loosing him is just how time seems to stop in regards to him! I don't get to make new memories of him, good or bad, and sometimes I just miss him so much that even the sad stories of him are cherished because they are about HIM! I have also heard stories in the last few months of family members experiences during his accident time that were very enlightening, and were very fascinating to hear! I really do want to hear what others thought or experienced during any time period!
So, please, if you have any thoughts you wouldn't mind sharing with me, please send them! If you would feel more comfortable emailing them to me, that is okay too! My email is nanafischer@hotmail.com.
3 comments:
Well I have no memories of Caydin but I want to tell you how thankful I am for moms like you, who are so willing to share the hard days with the good days. So moms like me can grow and learn from what you've already learned. You're a great example to me and I will remember you in my prayers and pray that Caydin helps you through those difficult days. I also understand making yourself remember the difficult memories I'm not sure why we do it but I do it too.
Diana-
I had one opportunity to meet Caydin. You guys came over to our house for a BBQ (I think) and he was the cutest little toe head running all over the place :) He was darling.
I remember when I heard the news about it. I never read the paper so I didn't find out until months later. I was in moab with Kevin, Ryan Morrison and Jared Payne and we were eating at Denny's. I asked Ryan if he had heard from you guys and how you were doing. He told me the news and I broke down in tears. I gathered myself to finish breakfast, then went to the car and cried for you and Rob. I remember praying for your comfort and peace that the gospel can bring you. A few years later my friend Michelle lost her little one and I thought of you two again. I asked Heavenly Father how and why he could do this to such beautiful families, and I went on a quest to figure out what life was really about and why Heavenly Father would let this happen.
The answers I found changed my life forever. I know God loves both you and Michelle, and I know it is a trial that has tested you both and is painful~ but through your example and faith and standing for what you believe and handling it so gracefully, you have given people like me hope in my small trials that I can overcome them, that I can let my trials refine me into something better, and my testimony and love for the Savior grow and see the mercy he has given us. I am sorry this trial happened to your family~ but through your example of dignity and grace you have helped soooo many people in there trials.
His short time on earth and the tragedy that happened shook me so much that I wanted to change my life for the better~ I learned so many things~ of which I don't know if I would have if these things wouldn't have shocked me out of my comfort zone.
I have learned that through the Holy Ghost, our Heavenly father can comfort us daily even though we have huge storms in our lives.
~I have learned that the Atonement is real, and that we will be with out Families Forever, and that you will one day hold Caydin in your arms again~ forever- not to be taken away ever again.
I don't know if any of this has made sense, but I look to your as a great example of staying strong and turning to our Heavenly Father for guidance. What a wonderful family you have, and though your heart is aching, know that Caydin has changed so many lives by his example~ as well as yours. I pray Caydin can be with you right now, and help your heart feel peace and love during this hard time.
I know this is a hard day for your family and you are in my thoughts today. I kept meaning to write this eariler but it kept slipping my mind. This memory is a small one, but this is what pops into my head whenever I think of Caydin.
I think it was actually not long before he passed away. But Holden and I were outside sitting in the front. Caydin and Helmut were outside--I always remember those two being outside together :) But I guess Helmut had given him a spray bottle. He came over to our house and kept squirting at Holden and me and he would just smile real big when he did it. Like I said it wasn't a huge moment, but always what first pops into my mind.
I pray that this is a day of comfort and peace for you.
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