Stupid Ecomony

Warning: following is a long, dramatic entry that I will probably feel embarrassed about in the morning, but for tonight, I have to vent. I feel like most of the time I somehow manage to keep a fairly optimistic outlook of our economic situation. I lived with my in-laws for all but the first 6 months of 5 1/2 years of marriage. Then we had a great year where it seemed like our sacrifices of getting through school was paying off and we finally had a place of our own, even if it was rented. We were finally feeling more stable and "normal". Then the economy failed. My husband was laid off, and our stability was gone. Less than a year after my husband lost his job, we once again found ourselves living with my mother-in-law. We are back to where we started. But, this time is even more frustrating because my husband has the skills, ability, and talent to provide a decent income for us, but because of the economy, he can't get a job! We found out from a company that he had an interview with that they received over 160 applications for the job, so the fact that he even got an interview was amazing, but it doesn't really bring much comfort at the end of the day when you don't get the job and know that you have to start over again with just trying to find a job to apply for, and then hoping you beat out all the competition just for an interview, and hoping you might even have that slight chance of actually getting the job! When will it end?! When will it finally be our turn?! I'm having such a hard time lately not being jealous of almost everybody around me who have a job and stability! I am glad that so many people we know are doing okay in this area, but I just wish we were one of them too! We feel so helpless because we are trying to do what we are suppose to, applying for everything we can, and like I said, Rob has the skills, but things just aren't clicking for us. I am grateful for my job at the library, but only working part-time at a little over $8 an hour just doesn't bring much money home for a family of 5! And, it is hard emotionally because I want to be home with the kids, Rob wants to be the one out working, the kids want me to be home with them, and I'm pregnant which complicates working as well! It's tough too because we have the added pressure of wondering what will happen if the time comes for me to have the baby and nothing else has worked out still. Do I have the baby and then try to go back to work at the library? I have to have c-sections, so I literally would have physical limitations for at least 2 months, and I have found that the library is A LOT more physical that I had thought it would be! But, I am really hoping something would happen before then anyway! I'm just so drained right now! Rob and I will have been married 8 years in March, and it seems like since we have been married, it has been one trial after another, and BIG trials too! I'm not upset with my marriage, because this is not the case where my husband is a bum who just won't do anything. Like I said before, he has the skills and ability to provide for us, but because of the economy, isn't able to at this time. Life has just been hard for us, and after almost 8 years, I am feeling a little warn down and discouraged. There are so many things I have that I am grateful for, like my husband and my children, and the gospel, which gives me hope of the eternal perspective of life. Even though I don't think life will always be as hard for us, I do remember that even if we struggle for the rest of our lives, as long as we stay faithful and endure to the end, this life will be but a moment in our eternal lives, and there are better days ahead! I guess that for right this moment, my enduring feels a lot more like that, enduring, barely! I'm hoping that maybe my sudden blue feelings have something to do with pregnancy hormones so that tomorrow I will wake up feeling strong again. It doesn't help that I have got a cold, along with my kids, and that it's been a long, emotional week with Eden's surgery! Some weeks are just tougher than others, and this one has been a tough one!